I used to wish that my first name ended with an “e.” It seemed somehow more elegant, less abrupt than the three-letter version. While I never asked, I suspect my parents chose the simpler spelling to offset a last name that was challenging for many – for a variety of reasons: Lindenbaum. More than once, someone just skipped right over those three letters and called me “Linda.” Even more frequently now I hear, “Ann is my middle name!” As the middle of three children, maybe a middle name for a first name was my destiny.
My middle name is “Toby” – practically unheard of for a girl when I was growing up. The first fib I remember telling was to a woman who shared that her daughter Elizabeth’s middle name was Ann. I excitedly responded that my middle name was Elizabeth.
Names are an integral part of our identity, and I must have struggled with mine as a child. Now that I’m (substantially) older, and (somewhat) wiser, I proudly embrace the significance of my given name. “Ann with no ‘e’” suits me just fine.
Yet until recently I was always perplexed when coffee-shop baristas asked, “With an e?” before scribbling my name on the paper cup. I’d roll my eyes inwardly and stop myself from adding, “It’s pronounced the same.” But it occurs to me that whether by corporate mandate or simply individual courtesy, these people are demonstrating respect. They understand the assignment: names matter. And the effort should be celebrated, not derided.
Names are given for a reason and often reflect a significant backstory. Some are fraught with emotion. I recently attended a gathering where a woman shared her disappointment at having been given a name with no particular significance, while her older sister was named after two beloved relatives.
Some prospective parents actually hire a consultant to select the perfect name for their newborn – one that will carry them from playground to boardroom – or other weighty expectation parents place on their unborn children. And there's no shortage of in/out lists for trending baby names. In case you're wondering, Ann didn't make the latest list – either with or without the "e."
But whether carefully chosen by one’s parents at birth, or selected at a later time to reflect a change in life circumstances or a new self-image, a person’s name should be valued. Paraphrasing Dale Carnegie, a person’s name is to them the sweetest and most important sound – even if it doesn't recall a favorite aunt or make the top 20.
Names also play an important role in business interactions, with marketing firms earning top dollar for developing names and creating brand awareness. In business communications, using the correct name for clients, partners, colleagues and customers is an important step for building and maintaining relationships. Not doing so demonstrates a lack of professionalism and may even have legal consequences. But more importantly, businesses and individuals that make an effort to learn and use preferred names, spellings and pronouns are embracing an attitude of respect that makes the organization and our communities a more welcoming place.
Do you have a story to share about how using the right (or wrong) name made an impact? I’d love to hear about it.
This is the first in a series of musings about the language of life. #AnnWithNoE
